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The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the phrase “ghosting” hit the mainstream. Initially, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a partner without a word seemed like the height of disrespect. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more perplexing – an frequently fruitless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Zoomers, a generation who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a detailed glossary to the words gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the recent most viral memes, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reply is engaged or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing mystery and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A date where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do low-cost romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it describes pairs who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks suggesting a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their exes unstable, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks affirm your choice to pursue a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately kill any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful act.

J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {